There Are Some Things Worse Than Death
by Michelle167
Summary: Shepard awakes unaware of where she is or what has happened. As she remembers the answer is revealed. Shenko Dark


Title: There are some things worse than death.

I was working on another fanfic when I wrote the first draft of this one. At the time I had needed a break. The other fic was huge on detail( 6 chapters a lot for me) and I really needed something that was simple...something that could tell a story but move fast. This piece is relatively short and simple. It was inspired by a comment Kaidan makes in game when you click on his name as you walk by the Mu Relay on the citadel presidium. This is a dark fic that borders on horror. It's also Shenko.

Essentially Shepard awakes unaware of where she is or what has happened. As her memories unfold we are given the answer.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and Characters belong to Bioware

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A steady hum. Darkness.

Where was she? Who was she?

She forced her eyes to open, but no light came. Had they opened? She couldn't tell.

Click...Click...Click.

Drip...Drip...Drip.

" Those sounds...what are they." she thought, incoherently.

"Is there anybody there?" she willed her lips to speak. No sound. Had her lips actually formed the words? She couldn't tell.

"Am I dead?" she wondered.

The steady hum that drummed in the background surged to a deafening roar, and as suddenly as it had begun, it dropped back to it's steady pace.

"I know that sound." she thought.

The hum repeated the process. Awareness overcame her.

"It's an engine," she thought, " ...a ships engine. I'm on a ship. I'm not dead"

Relief flooded her confused mind, as she grasped for understanding.

"Maybe it's a dreadnought...It sounds big...bigger than the Normandy..." she thought.

The Normandy?

Then she remembered.

____________________________________________________________________________

Shepard reached for the switch. As she found it, she clumsily flipped it on, flooding her quarters with light.

A groan rose from the the other side of the bed. Kaidan quickly slid the pillow from under his head and thrust it over his face.

Shepard chuckled.

"I don't understand how someone so 'by the book' has such a problem getting up on time. I would think you'd have your schedule down to a science." she said.

"I make it to my station on time every day, thank you very much." he chided from under the pillow.

"Barely." she responded, sitting up on her side of the bed.

Kaidan removed the pillow from over his head and smiled up into Shepard's face.

"Maybe if my Commanding Officer didn't keep me up all night, I would be so sleepy in the morning." he teased, smiling wickedly as he did so.

Commander Shepard was the only one who ever saw the Lieutenant this way.

"Besides," he continued, "You love seeing me sleep."

It was Shepard's turn to tease.

"Only because you sleep in the nude." she said, smiling even more wickedly than Kaidan.

She watched as the expected blush rose to engulf Kaidan's face.

"You win." he said.

"I always do." she said, her smile now softening.

What was it about his shyness that enthralled her so, and how was he still able to keep it after being with her for the last two years?

His eyes locked with hers.

"I love you, Shep." he whispered softly.

"I love you too, Kaidan Alenko." she returned.

"I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you." he said.

"Kaidan..." she started, in protest.

"I need to say this, Shep." he interrupted.

She nodded for him to continue. It had been hard for him to voice his feelings for her when they first met. She had learned that when he had the courage to say something, it was best to let him say it.

"There are some things worse than death...for me to lose you...that would be worse than death to me." he explained.

Shepard didn't like talking about what might happen down the road. Falling in love had not been what she had expected when she had joined the crew of the Normandy, and Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko had come as a complete surprise. She knew the dangers of the job and that any day could be her last or Kaidan's for that matter. She simply wanted to savor each moment with him with the hope that one day they'd both retire to live out the rest of their lives in each others arms.

The sweetness of the comment caught her off guard.

She smiled at him as tears came to her eyes. Forever the romantic, he always made her feel as if she were his whole world.

Weakly he smiled, his thumbs gently wiping the tears that coursed down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." he apologized.

"It was a good cry...not a bad one." she said.

The look of bewilderment that crossed his face made him look younger than his 34 years.

"I guess I don't understand women as well as I thought." he said.

A smile came to her lips.

"Well as your commanding officer, maybe I just need to give you a little instruction." she teased, the heaviness lifting from her heart.

Once again the expectant blush erupted over the Lieutenants features.

It was too much for Shepard.

Her heart seemed to skip a beat, as it begin to race. Leaning over, she kissed him full on the lips.

"Hey I thought it was time to get up." he said, as she pulled away slightly.

"I lied. We still have two hours." she purred.

He grinned, as she leaned in for a second kiss.

As her tongue found and intertwined with his, she drunk in the essence that was Kaidan Alenko.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Why are you doing this?!" she screamed.

The barrel of the gun was jammed against the side of her face.

She could see the rage in Kaidan's eyes, all indications of sanity removed.

He shoved her towards the door.

"Move!" he yelled.

Shepard stumbled, falling to her knees, the energy drained from within her. Kaidan grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and pulled her up, shoving her towards the door.

"Keep moving!" he yelled.

The tears flowed freely down her cheeks, as she moved out into the dimly lit hallway. She wanted to scream at him...to wake him up. She wanted to know what was wrong with him.

"But you already know don't you." she thought.

It all started with a low hum...something to do with Kaidan's implant. She couldn't quite grasp it. It was fuzzy and out of focus. For two months he had complained, even to the point that he began to withdraw, even from her.

When her pace slackened, he shoved her harder...there was nothing gentle in his touch. She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other.

If she had only realized what was happening sooner, maybe she could have gotten him help.

Her mind was awhirl with 'what ifs' when she realized that Kaidan was no longer shoving her. Their destination had been reached. The faint aroma of formaldehyde invaded Shepard's nostrils as she breathed in the sterility of her new environment. Her vision however, discerned nothing, except for the glimmering faded outline of Kaidan's face, for the room was oppressed by darkness.

Hands reached for her, cold and unyielding, dragging her further away from Kaidan's vanishing silhouette. She gasped. Finding her resolve she broke free flinging herself at the Lieutenant's form, her arms thrusting around him.

In between her sobs, the words "I love you."continuously poured over the unyielding frame of Kaidan Alenko. Looking into his face for any sign of hope, she saw a flicker of warmth as recognition sprang forth from within his eyes for the first time in weeks.

That look of longing that lit up his entire being, whenever he looked at her, returned.

"Shep?" he whispered.

A shot rang out. A blood stain spread slowly across the front of the Lieutenant's shirt. Entering through the back, the bullet had pierced his heart, stopping just short of exiting his chest. He collapsed in Shepard's arms, his weight dragging them both to the ground.

"I love you too." he managed, as a weak smile formed across his lips.

"Don't go!" she pleaded, cradling him in her arms.

A look of horror spread over his face as he seemed to realize something.

"Some...Some things worse...worse than death." he stammered, as blood began to ooze from the edge of his mouth.

And Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was gone.

"Noooo!" screamed Shepard, " Noooo!"

Hands grabbed for her, but she didn't fight. All the strength was gone from her, as well as her will to live.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

An awareness.

The greenish liquid that encased what remained of the body emitted an eerie light. If Shepard could have seen it, the sight would have sent a chill up her spine.

What was left of the mangled body had long ago ceased to resemble anything identifiable. The skin and flesh was pulled back from the vital organs...the skull opened down the center to reveal the brain. Circuits, wires, and relays connected the brain and organs into the various machines that encircled the container in which the body lay. Huge cables in turn ran from these machines into the walls of the room in which the container was encased.

"Kaidan are you there?" she mentally called.

No answer.

She hadn't expected one, only hoped.

"I'm alone." she answered herself.

Kaidan was gone.

Sorrow rose from within her.

"He heard the hum before. His teeth...he had said there was a tingling in his teeth. Where had he said it? Where?" she thought.

The answer hit like a dagger...the mu relay at the citadel.

Who could have known that the the implants in the biotics not only amplified biotic abilities but also amplified the Reaper signals over long distances?

The Reapers had been able to mobilize the biotics from dark space without ever even entering citadel space.

"He's dead." she thought, a new wave of emotional pain ripping across her mind, "and I'm...I'm What?"

Hands had taken her into the darkness.

A cold slab...and a flicker of light just before...

She remembered the circular saw bearing down on her skull. She could remember the sound of the cracking of her cranium as it was being torn open.

Pain...she felt pain even now. She wasn't dead, but she couldn't move.

She tried to feel beyond her mental prison, and her body would not respond.

Horror washed over her as her mind began to clear.

What was it Saran had said...it was a symbiotic relationship...organic and machine. And Shepard understood...She had been made part of a reaper.

"He knew." she thought.

Kaidan's last words revealed that he realized what they were going to do to her.

"He died over 50,000 years ago when we wiped out all organic life...Humans, Asari, Turians..." the voice boomed in her head.

"Now we must return to repeat the process." the voice continued.

The steady hum rose to a high pitch and Shepard could feel her brain come into unison with the Reaper. Coordinates flashed in her mind, and somehow her brain pushed forward moving the Reaper out of orbit. A second set of coordinates were fed to her mind, and she had no choice but to obey. The ship began to move swiftly and steadily forward.

Kaidan had been right. There were some things worse than death.

Silently Shepard screamed.


End file.
